I am looking forward to a great year and hope yours is as good.
I have made six New Year resolutions.
(1) I will desist from imbibing all alcoholic drink.
(2) I will stop smoking.
(3) Swallow and enjoy my five a day.
(4) I will purchase a new and smaller box of condoms. I notice that the last lot are well passed their best before date…I was wondering what the problem was! Dissemination will be a thing of the past.
(5) I shall henceforth call the dogs in a quiet, dignified and polite manner.
(6) No more exaggeration, procrastination, lying or blaspheming for me.
Taken one at a time these should take me through till lunch time tomorrow and then I can really celibate….I mean celebrate 2013.
My New Year Joke.
A crusty bewhiskered old Royal Navy Bosun was invited to a New years Eve Ball. Showered, beard trimmed, dressed in his Number Ones and medals polished off he went.
He was standing with a small glass of wine when a nubile young lady approached and asked.
“I see you are in the Royal Navy”.
Looking at his medals she said. “Wow! You have seen a lot of action.”
“Lot of action Ma’am.”
She said. “ Are you alright? You seem very serious.”
“Just serious Ma’am.”
Getting desperate and also feeling compassion for the old matelot she said. “ It is a New Year party, you ought to try and relax…..enjoy yourself.”
“Relax Ma’am. Enjoy Ma’am.”
“You really are stressed. I hope you will forgive my asking but when did you last make love?”
“Oh! You poor thing.” Taking him by the hand she led him upstairs to a spare room.
Later she lay panting with her head on his chest and said breathlessly. “My you’ve not forgotten much since 2001.”
Looking at his watch. “ Should hope not Ma’am……It’s only 2133 now!”
HAPPY NEW YEAR.